The Oddities
by xxXMythiaXxx
Summary: Alice had Wonderland, and Wonderland had Alice. I found it boring, just predicting the normal stuff in the manga, and absolutely hating the movie, so...with my author powers, I messed it up. Alice is now a cyborg, Julius is a girl, Blood hates tea, Boris can disappear, and Ace doesn't know how to use a sword! Ta da, problem solved! II: The Horrors Of Monthly Periods
1. Is This Normal?

**Summary: Alice had Wonderland, and Wonderland had Alice. I found it boring, just predicting the normal stuff in the manga, and absolutely hating the movie, so...with my author powers, I messed it up. Alice is now a cyborg, Julius is a girl, Blood hates tea, Boris can disappear, and Ace doesn't know how to use a sword! Ta da, problem solved!**

**Mia: Hello! This is my third HNKNA fanfic! I thought, _What if Alice was a robot? _and then these ideas just came to me at 1AM overnight.**** Please tell me if I should continue this, I don't know. Well, enjoy!**

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I

Is This Normal?

Wonderland...such a mad world.

The random time period switched to morning without Julius doing anything about it. Of course, I did it. I'm the author, after all!

So, Alice was the first to wake up. Her eyes saw green numbers, all random 0's and 1's, just screening in front of her. Her eyes were closed, yet the numbers were there. Her eyes groggily opened, and the numbers still appeared, the background from black to colorful blurs. Her focus were all on the numbers, scrolling down, still random 0's and 1's. She wondered where in the world it was coming from, as she sat up, stretched her arms, and scratched her eye with her left arm.

Her arm was staining freezing, as she jerked the arm away in surprise. Her eyesight focused like a camera, and she gasped. Her left arm was made of freaking _metal. _She wiggled her fingers, and then pulled out her other arm that balanced her, as she toppled onto the soft bed. She didn't care, her eyes concentrated on her right arm. It was fine. Human flesh _is_ fine, right? "The hell...?" she mouthed wordlessly.

Then, she heard a piercing scream. It was obviously a girl's, but something about it was familiar. Was that...Julius?

If Alice wasn't so shocked at her steel hand, she would've laughed. But she didn't. She didn't bother fixing her bed or changing into her usual blue dress, as she ran out of her room in her nightgown barefooted. She passed Julius' room, and never even checked because she knew that he never slept in there. He would always be in his work room, being a stupid hermit and fixing clocks. She pushed the door into the mortician's workroom, not bothering to knock. And there he was, staring in horror at his overly sized chest.

His high-pitched scream, his big boobs, his long, flowing hair, his feminine face...Alice gasped.

_Julius was a **girl.**_A freaking GIRL!

Julius looked up, and saw the metal monstrosity. Alice, the innocent, beautiful chestnut-haired foreigner, was a _cyborg_. Her eyes showed a green glowing target-looking thing, which was her retina display. Her left arm and hand was silver steel, and her right leg and foot was in the same state. Metal.

"You're a cyborg!?"

"You're a girl?!"

They gaped at each other, jaws dropped and eyes wide. Suddenly, the door swung open, and in stepped in Nightmare, beads of sweat on his forehead. "I can't read minds!" he screamed dramatically.

Like that'll get their attention.

Gray stepped in as well, with a furry smudge of navy blue below his nose. Nightmare turned to face his subordinate. "I can't read-GRAY! Is that a...mustache?!"

Alice then shook her head and faced the Clover Tower residents. "Nightmare? Gray? What are you doing-whoa. Gray, you have a little something..." She was about to lick her thumb when she suddenly realized that it was a mustache. Her eyes widened. "When was the last time I saw you?" she asked.

She turned to Nightmare, who looked fine (remove the sweat and yeah, he's never looked better). "Alice!" he cried. "I can't read minds!"

"Really?" she exclaimed in delight. "No more mind reading?"

"Don't make it sound like it's a good thing!"

"But it is! No more peeping into personal thoughts! I'm free!" Alice then stopped, and looked at Julius. His-er, her head was down on the worktable, and she was out like a lightbulb.

Then, Nightmare and Gray both clicked into their minds that Alice's arm and leg looked a bit weird. "Is that metal?" Gray asked, stepping back slightly.

Alice then faced her arm. She had forgotten it for a moment there. "Oh...yeah. Oh my gosh! I AM A CYBORG!" she shrieked, and ran out of the room. She ran to her bedroom and locked the door, slamming her back to it. Her retina display made her bed look green, as it displayed information about beds and the history of it, blocking out her vision. It even showed a catalog of her size of bed (queen), and looked at Ashlynn's Furniture Home Stores and Beds To Go. She blinked them away, and her vision was normal again.

She heard Nightmare frantically shrieking, while imagining Gray scratching his mustache. She heard Julius scream, "I AM A GIRL!" and then nothing else, assuming that she passed out again.

What happened? Everything was normal the day before...she bumped into the perverted knight who distracted her by going to the amusement park, hearing the screeching noise of the painful playing of Gowland playing the violin, Boris saving her, and her heading off to the mansion for a tea party. The normal stuff, and then when she woke up, she was suddenly a robot, Julius became a girl, Nightmare no longer could read minds, and Gray was hairy in a respectable place?

* * *

Blood's eyes snapped open. He was craving for tea, but didn't want to get up. Which meant that he wasn't feeling for a tea party. Which meant that he would be mostly in bed for the morning time period. He clapped his hands.

Instantly, a maid entered the room. "You called, Master Blood?" she inquired.

"I'd like some tea."

"The usual?" He nodded, and the faceless maid left as quickly as she had appeared.

When she came back, she held a tray with a teapot and two teacups, one filled with the tea already. "Here you go, Master Blood," she said as she handed the tea-filled cup with a saucer to him. He took it, and stared at the leaves on the bottom. The golden liquid was piping hot, just what he liked, and he took a sip.

Immediately, he spat it all out. "Master Blood!" the faceless maid exclaimed in alarm. "Are you all right?!"

"I hate this tea!" The words mindlessly spilled from the mafia boss' mouth, as the maid twitched. She had worked for him for seven years, and he had _always_ loved tea. Never had she ever thought of him saying those words. "Take it away!" he childishly yelled, pushing it off of his bed.

"Y-Yes sir," she said, still perplexed at the words her boss said before. She took the cup away, placed it on the tray, and left. As she walked, she bumped into her friend, Mindy.

"Mary!" Mindy greeted, and then she saw the stress creases on her forehead and the stray hairs limping on her face, her shoulders slumped. "You look exhausted!"

Mary looked at her. "I slept fine last night," she told her, which relieved her. On a lower voice, she said, "Master Blood's acting very strange."

"What do you mean?" She leaned towards her, wondering what strange thing her friend noticed about their boss.

"He said that he hated his usual favorite tea," she whispered.

Mindy then laughed. "You're getting better at your jokes, Mary. That's hilarious."

"No! I'm serious!" The faceless maid then stopped laughing, and gaped at her.

"Seriously?"

She had worked far longer for Blood than Mary had, so that was very **impossible,** what nonsense her friend was saying. "That's not even-"

"I know! I thought that way too!" the other faceless maid exclaimed. "I couldn't believe my ears! If I had eyes, I would've widened them to the point where they would've just popped right off of me!" Mindy had believed her, and then sighed.

"It must've been his 'negotiation' with Gowland again," she said. "It makes him come back all crazy. Give him a few time changes, and he'll be back."

Mary connected her eyebrows, and let out a huge sigh. "I guess so. Well, my next break is at the noon time change...if it ever comes. You?"

"Noon as well."

"Can we talk then?"

Mindy smiled. "Of course." They then parted ways.

Mindy turned right, and headed to the kitchen. "Kristoff," she called, "I need Elliot's usual breakfast."

The chef twirled around, and smiled. "Why hello Mindy," he said kindly. "It's already made, I just needed someone like you to drop by." He handed a tray with a carrot cake and a cup of jasmine tea to her.

"Thanks," she thanked him. "Can I have a bagel while you're cooking?"

"Of course," he said. "See you later!" The maid then held the tray professionally on her hand, holding it high and walking along. Fortunately, she just had to walk through a short hall and make a sharp turn and she's there. She knocked on the door, and she heard a grunt. If there was no answer, she would go in, but if there was a grunt, that meant, 'Stay away, or I will shoot you.'

"I have carrot cake," she crooned. She almost felt his ears perk up, and he said nothing. She entered the door, and gazed at the pile of paperwork stacked beside the working hare. It leaned probably taller than Elliot himself, and he was the tallest Role Holder in Wonderland. She set the tray on the table next to him crunching over his work desk, and then gasped.

Elliot snapped his pen. "What?!" he raged, barely keeping his temper. He particularly didn't like faceless. They always bothered him.

"Your ears..." she barely managed a whisper, as she pointed a shaky finger above his head. "They're not there."

"What the hell are you talking about?!" he yelled. He reached for his ears, and wanted to touch them to show her proof, but he couldn't. They really weren't there. And that's when he really panicked. "Where are my ears!?"

Mindy had to leave, or else he might break a limb of hers. She ran out. Elliot then angrily tucked some loose strands of blonde hair behind his..._human ear?!_ He's losing it.

As for the maid, she ran as fast as her dainty legs could take her. Seeing everything as a blur, she then saw red and blue eyes piercing at her. She paused. _The Bloody Twins._

From all of her years at work, she was the longest one to survive. Her secret? She never was in the same hall with those twins. Because once you're in their sight, they can outrun you. And kill you with their bloody scythes. She then just ran. The twins were about to run after her, but then they tripped.

Lucky maid.

"Brother...?" They stood up, and looked down. Their outfit was bright and dark purple stripes, and one eye was red, the other blue. "What's going on?! Why do I feel as if..." They were speaking creepily in sync. It would've been normal for them if they belonged to individual mouths, but they only belonged to one.

They were merged into one body. That's...that's not even possible! Why did I write that!? Ugh, that's just plain creepy...

* * *

Vivaldi, the Queen of Hearts, screamed. It would've been the usual if they ever formed the words, 'Off with your head!' but if they don't, then something was wrong. Her screech filled the whole castle for all of the surviving residents to hear.

Peter woke up. "Old hag, why do you nag?" he mindlessly rhymed. "Your cries are too early, making me sag." He pulled the covers, covering his face. The Prime Minister usually wakes up earlier than the Queen, but that day, he was fatigued. From all those sleepless nights piling up, this only happened once every what, sixty time changes?

That makes the two of us, PM.

Ace, in the castle maze, had heard her scream. He casually sighed, and then easily found his way out of the maze...wait. He made his way _out_ of the maze, not in. Is that not strange to anyone?

He pulled out his sword. Wait, how did that sword work again? He couldn't remember! He remembered that he used it to murder countless faceless before, and now he can't remember a single way to swipe?!

He then bolted to the Queen's room, and had found Peter there..."Whoa, what's with the zebra stripes?" he chortled.

Peter then faced him, and squinted. "You psychotic knight, by late you fight! Where have you been, in the woods at night?!"

"Hey, calm down-whoa! Vivaldi!" Ace stared at the queen. She didn't wear her usual modest skin-showing red and purple dress, and didn't show her purple pigtails in ringlets. She had a robe on, and a hood hid her head. Two lumps were on the top of her head, and the two of them thought that they were only her hair, but then it squirmed.

The two males twitched. "Your hair is moving involuntarily," Peter pointed out.

"I knew she was a witch!" Ace exclaimed.

The queen dared him to repeat that with a death glare. "No," she shouted, "this morning, we have found this!" She pulled off her hood, which made them blankly stare and freeze. The pointy, furry purple things perked up.

_They were cat ears._

"You're a cat!" Ace claimed. "I knew you weren't human!"

"No, you idiotic knave! We have just found this on our head this morning! And they're _real!_" she shrieked. "And you, Minister, we will not allow such inappropriate hair!"

"What are you saying? My hair has been obeying!" White protested, and then Ace handed him a hand mirror. He yelped, as it clanged to the ground. _His hair had black streaks on them! _"My hair! It is black! What trick have you been trying to hack!?" He pointed an accusing finger at Ace, who shrugged in response.

"Hey, don't look at me! I didn't do it!" He raised his arms up innocently. "And I didn't make you a cat lady either. Not my doing."

So, Ace is a human GPS, Vivaldi's a Boris, and Peter's a zebra rabbit mutt!?

* * *

"Oi! I know you've done it, cat!"

Boris grinned widely at the amusement park owner. "And if I have?" He smirked.

"You're gonna get it!" Gowland then transformed his violin into a machine gun. Boris readied his pink pistol he had on his golden chain resting on his side.

Then, he stopped, and scratched his head. "Where did you go?" Boris then knitted his eyebrows.

"I'm right here, ya old man!"

"Where!? Show yourself, ya coward!"

Then, when the Cheshire cat looked at his arms, it had disappeared. "What the hell?" he mumbled. "Where's my arm?" Then, he wiggled his invisible tail, and waved his invisible hand across his invisible face. "I'm invisible? COOL!"

Making a little victory dance, he opened a door to his room.

Gowland then shrugged, and transformed his gun back into a violin. He then picked up his bow, and was about to play it when he noticed that the faceless were running around ten feet away from him. He rolled his eyes, and then played.

They all covered their ears, and then...they heard graceful, beautiful music. Gowland can play!? Slowly, out of downright confusion, they removed their earplugs and hands from their ears. A little faceless girl walked towards him, and sat on the ground in front of him. Their parents joined in, and eventually, everyone crowded around him. When he stopped playing, everyone cheered.

The heck!? How did _that_ get into my writing?! Mary Gowland, the awful and I mean **AWFUL** musician can play the violin? And not just play, but it's actually _good_?

That did not just happen! I'm erasing this right- "SHADDUP MIA! EVERYONE LOVES ME NOW!" Sigh~ I guess it's too late now. On with the story.

Pierce seemed to be attracted to it, and when he saw Gowland, he couldn't believe his mouse ears. "I'm losing it!" he squeaked, and then crawled out. Now Pierce thinks that he's a mouse, not a man...mouse...thingy...meh.

Boris, the Cheshire Cat, can be invisible. Expected. Gowland playing the violin nicely? NOT expected, like total polar opposite! And Pierce? Let's...let's not talk about it, okay?

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If you're wondering about the Jokers, White is a narcissist, and Black is an arsonist. The end.

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**Mia: Thanks for reading! Review if you have the time. Constructive criticism is nice, no flames please! : )**


	2. The Horrors Of Monthly Periods

**Mia: I have a lot of ideas ahead of this story! This makes me wanna party now! Alice, dance with me!**

**Alice: I would if I wasn't a freaking ROBOT! What's wrong with you!?**

**Mia: You could've just said NO you know. Plus, there would be no plot without it!**

**Alice: There ****_is_**** no plot, Mia! You're just messing up our lives that were normal for three calm time changes! YOU JUST HAD TO CHANGE IT, DIDN'T YOU?!**

**Mia: *shrugs* I had the idea, and that caused me to be wide awake at freaking 1AM! It's true! Man...anyway, enjoy readers!**

**Alice: What? You're just going to ignore this conversation as if it never happened?! Mia, are you listening to me!? DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER!**

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II

The Horrors Of Monthly Periods

Hopefully, this was all a funny joke of a Nightmare. Alice swore to herself that she would kill him for letting this dream slip into her mind. No exceptions.

She opened her eyes to the morning light, and groaned. It wasn't a dream, as her eyes involuntarily focused on the green numbers randomly showing the usual numbers. Will this be the usual? If this will continue, her being a creepy half metal being seeing random numbers in the morning, then she would hate the rest of her life. She imagined her future-she won't get married, be a hag, and would have to take care of Julius' children he-no, _she_ bore. Then, she gagged at the image of Julius' big fat belly. His boobs were enough to drive one mad, so this is just great.

Then, she tried thinking of the good things about being a cyborg.

She's a human computer, which meant that she'd know all human discoveries, human knowledge, and...CALCULUS! Also, she won't have to worry about having her awful, blood-bearing monthly periods! The things girls should hate most about themselves! No accidents, no spills...no more washing her dresses and underwear! This is freedom of the...umph...

She felt something coming from the place se hoped it wouldn't be. She dared to pull up her nightgown, and to her horror...

...There it was. _The bloody hell._ "NOOOOOO!" Alice screamed for all of Wonderland to hear. She then heard another scream coming from Julius. She groaned. "What is it now!?" she irritably whined, as she walked like a penguin to the bathroom, not giving a care about the gender-confused mortician. She found her secret stash of pads, and changed her underwear. She face palmed at her blood stained nightwear. Whatever will she do?

She then exited the bathroom, and to her surprise, she found an exasperated Julius, his-er, her blood stained hands reaching out to her. "Do you see this!?" she screamed in horror and shock. "This is blood, something I found on my butt this morning!"

"That's called you monthly menstruation," Alice said, her eyebrows knit, "And I freaking have it too! I don't care about your womanly problems, now get out so I can change!"

Julius then shoved her hands so close to Alice's face that Alice tripped backwards. "But you've had it since what, when you were thirteen!? I have it NOW!"

"Well, this is my first time in cyborg mode! Who knows what kind of stuff will happen!?" Alice snapped. "You are the least of my problems! I keep seeing the history of underwear and blood, which led me to World War II, which didn't even happen!" Her face was Tinker Bell red, as she grabbed her usual blue dress and stormed back into the bathroom. Julius' hands with the blood had already dried, and he penguin-walked back to her room. You know, having to do the he and the she thing is really confusing...it's starting to wear me out, phew.

Julius slammed the door to her room. Having a pile of clocks were the least of her problems-wait. Ace always arrives late, so she didn't have to worry about him at all. If he was a boy, that is. He deadpanned at his curves, looking into her vanity mirror. You know, when I think about it, I keep mentioning him as 'he' 'she' 'her' 'his' and other pronouns without actually sticking to one gender. Well, he is a girl, but she was a guy. See?! You don't know how to address him in pronouns! Argh!

Anyway, he squeezed his left boob. It was squishy, that's for sure. But for being a guy for so long, and suddenly waking up with those womanly features made him, well, feel girly. Julius entered the bathroom, crossing his fingers in hope that he magically found pads in his closet. And thank Dealer, he did. Though he was wondering how in Wonderland it got there...maybe a Clock Tower maid knew. Alice you snitch...or was it Nightmare?

Like a straight guy who didn't know how to use lipstick, he peeled the pad's sticky side thingy off. Ugh, this is disgusting... "Well, you're a girl Mia. You've done this for years," he jealously mumbled. Aw, Julie-chan is being jealous? Hey, this is the first time I'd be ever using Ace's nickname he uses for you! How fitting, since you're a-"Shut up. Troublesome woman."

Well, now get your underwear on! "Briefs." Yeah yeah, now put them on! "So, I put the sticky thing in here-whoa! Is this what a girl's nut looks like!? There's not even a-" DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE, PLEASE. I'm about to barf now, thanks to you.

So, skipping the process, Julius has finally changed, washed his bloody hands, and wondered how to get the bloodstain off of his coat and overnight boxers. He could ask Alice of course, but...she's moody right now. He sighed. "Mia, a little help please?" Wait a minute, you asking me? "You're a girl, now help me out."

Um...well...you get a bucket...and you fill it with water...and then you get the soap...and are you getting it? Please don't let me finish. "From what you've said, I think I understand." Julius' face was green from the scary experience. "And I thought that being a man was tough enough. Women...now I know why they're so angry at these topics." Great, now write a book about your experience for all the male Role Holders to read, so that they understand the pain and horror and will not be a bunch of creepy perverts, and so the women will be free!

And from this, he had learned a lesson-_Girls suffer more harshly than boys._ Good Julie-chan.

As for Alice, she's been a girl and had learned the routine ever since it had started, so she had finished way quicker than Julius had. "Maybe I've been too harsh on him," Alice thought aloud. "But, in my defense, I'm a robotic monster since yesterday. It takes a little adjusting...maybe I should help him." She walked out of her room after fixing her bed with new sheets and cleaning out the blood stains on the old sheets. She found her way to Julius, and on the way found Ace.

"Ace?" Alice called. "You're here early...what happened to you?"

"What do you mean-Alice?" Ace blinked at her metal parts. "I didn't know that you liked to get-"

"Stop, just stop. Now, what's wrong with you?"

Ace whistled. "It's not what's wrong with me, it's what's right. I am a human GPS!"

"That makes the two of us," Alice sighed heavily. "Well, I'm off to Julius."

"Why? Is there something wrong with him?"

For some reason, Alice just had to say, "You mean _her._" Then, they entered Julius' room, and had found him scrubbing on his bloody boxers with a bar of soap and a water-filled bucket. You're doing great Jules, by the way!

"What are you doing?" Ace asked, as Alice had to look away. Then, Ace stared at Julie-chan's boobs. "Wow."

Julius was about to yell and kill him on the spot, but he restrained as best as he could. "I am a girl now, and Alice is a cyborg. Did you get affected by the curse?"

"The curse?" Alice and Ace questioned in sync.

"The one Mia plagued on us." I did not! This is just fun!

Ace gave a thumbs up to the ceiling. "You bet, now I can choose whether I want to go on an adventure or not!" Ace exclaimed. You're welcome, Ace. At least _some_ people are appreciating my alterations of this boring hnkna story.

"Hnkna?"

"Story?" My dear friends, that is for another time.

Alice shook her head, and focused her attention to Julius. "Are you all right?" She asked him. "Will you be fine?"

"Yes, now go away." Suddenly, something new popped into Alice's retina display. An orange light glowed at a corner of her screen.

"What's this? Mia..?" That Alice, is a lie detector. You can now distinguish lies from truths! You're welcome. "Oh...thanks? I guess that this could be another upside to being this metal thing. On the downside, I have to drag the heavy stuff around." Well Alice, you can't just have a perfect life. "Easy for you to say! You're just toying with us!"

Touche.

"Well, now that you're both girls..." Ace grinned like a pervert. Here it comes. "I can no longer tell myself that I'm a homosexual idiot!" You tell that to yourself? "Now I can have my threesome!"

Alice was gone in a flash, dragging her metal leg behind her. Julius had lost all the color from his face. He ripped his underwear. "That's it, I'm just buying new ones if they get stained." He then tossed his dripping pair of ripped boxers outside of the window, hoping that it landed on someone's head.

Since I wanna let him suffer for a while, it didn't land on anyone. "Now I wish I had thrown it on that idiot's head," he grunted, as he punched the floor and slipped past the smiling b*.

Ace just stood there, half happy that Julius was a girl and half desperate for a threesome. If I was a character, I would be slapping Ace's face! "Why?" Hmn...I actually don't know. I got nothing.

Oh well!

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**Mia: Wow...I actually wrote that in an hour! I also recently got my period, and thought of Julius. And Alice, lol. Well, if this was some awkward TMI, review about it. Also, I read your ideas for this story if you have any. Please review for inspiration! ^_^**

**Ace: Do I ever get my threesome?**

**Mia: No...? Well, goodbye everyone!**


End file.
